Motivation

Sadly due to the holidays I haven't really been able to train. It's been one thing after another and I am fairly disappointed in myself. I can feel my body weakening, and it's driving me crazy. There are two elements that are holding me back at the moment. The first being that my sleep habits have been totally destroyed. As of right now I fall asleep at 7 am and wake up at 3pm. It's horrible, and I really have no idea how to fix it. Secondly I have no real motivation. I've been training in many different forms of martial arts for the last 16 years, and I no longer know why I continued to do so at all.

Some people train in order to stay in shape, while others immerse themselves in the art. Initially I had wanted to be strong, but that goal is far to broad to specifically state why I want to be strong. I can already handle myself in a fight, and have been able to do so for a long time. Once you reach a goal, what do you do? I can't find that answer. I can continue to train and learn nothing based on my lack of motivation or I can stop for a bit and compose myself; neither seems like a good option. I want to compete, this year, but why? In high school I wasn't allowed to partake in sports, based on the decisions made by my mother it was what she felt would be the best for me. The fact is it wasn't and I missed out on quite a bit growing up in those awkward years. I do indeed wish to experience the camaraderie that comes with competing on the mat, but is there a better reason?

Hopefully, as I reflect on this problem this weekend, I'll come to suitable answer. I feel as though I've already grasped it, but I'm not sure I have the whole concept correctly placed in my mind. I hate myself when I don't train, but is that enough to ensure I do it as much as I should?